Bedroom Adventures that Will Land You in the Emergency Room

D. Anthony Thomas - 06/17/19

In the Information Age, there’s no shortage of articles, videos, and Reddit commenters that claim to have the secret recipe to spice up your sex life.  There is nothing wrong with novelty, but proceed with caution before you attempt to pull off an acrobatic move between the sheets.  Getting your Fifty Shades of Grey on with the wrong toys, and you won’t be playing doctor… you’ll actually need one.

There’s nothing sexy about an air embolism

Every so often, you will come across “secret techniques” that recommend blowing warm or cool air onto a variety of body parts.  Statistically speaking, this is a perfectly harmless practice.  However, you might think twice about doing this anywhere near an open orifice when you learn a little bit about air embolisms.   Vaginal air embolisms in particular, while rare, are indeed a thing. A little cooling and warming never hurt anybody, but if you decide to embrace your inner porn star and use a mouth technique that involves loud mouth sounds, you may want to educate yourself about the dangers of trapped air in delicate parts of the body. 

Penises can break

Whether carefully researched, or stumbled upon through creative exploration, new positions can be invigorating.  Just when you had the whole intimacy thing figured out, you and your partner now find yourselves with have another winner to add to your sexual menu.  It’s a wonderful feeling.  While the vast majority of positions are slight modifications to the household names, if you search the Internet long enough you will come across “hot sex moves” that are really not meant for us non-athletes with full time jobs.  If you’re lucky, you’ll simply walk away sweaty and sore.  If you’re unlucky, you’ll end up in an ambulance.

According to the Mayo Clinic online, “If an engorged penis is bent suddenly or forcefully, the trauma can rupture the lining of one of the two cylinders in the penis (corpus cavernosum) responsible for erections — resulting in a penis fracture.” 

Penis fractures during intercourse, while rare, are always a risk; particularly if you’re getting adventurous with your positioning and angles. 

Handcuffs are used on criminals for a reason

Want to introduce some kink into your affairs?  You’re not alone.  According to research by the Kinsey institute, around ten percent of us are into tying up our partners, being blindfolded, and engaging in rough sex. 

However, if thoughts of restraint make you swoon, you may want to steer clear of traditional handcuffs, and even the cute furry kind.  Search enough Internet forums on the topic, and you’ll encounter many a cautionary tale about with references to unsightly bruises, lacerated skin, and dislocated shoulders.  The takeaway? If you want to tie up your partner, there are plenty of  restraint systems that are just effective, and safer, than what usually comes to people’s minds when they think about bondage.